I recently had the privilege of being interviewed on the show “American Thought Leaders” with Jan Jekielek about the online pornography epidemic afflicting America’s children. I wanted to offer some of the high-level takeaways from our discussion in this post. And if you’re interested in digging deeper, you can watch the full interview here.
The Reality of Online Pornography
Thomas Crooks' last internet search before attempting to assassinate former President Donald Trump was for pornography, which highlights “how addictive internet pornography is for this generation because of how common it is and easy to access so kids don't even need to go looking for it anymore. It finds them on social media.”
The average age of exposure to pornography is 12 years old and online porn is only becoming more prevalent because of smartphones and social media. Surveys show over three quarters of teens have accessed pornography, and for the majority it was accidentally through online means.
To give a sense of how ubiquitous it is: “An Australian study in 2017 of 15 to 29-year-old men who were asked about pornography use, found 100% of them had ever seen or viewed pornography. They could not find a single man in this age group who hadn’t.”
The Impact of Pornography on Children's Brains
Pornography is a stealth public health crisis, affecting children's mental and physical health, especially during their brain's developmental stages.
“Such a high level of dopamine is released in the brain when they view this type of content, that it actually rewires the brain to need that level of dopamine and to actually crave it. So this neurotransmitter that's involved in really all sorts of addictive substances, it's released in the brain as a pleasure hormone, but it actually creates cravings so that your brain will repeat that activity and do it again.” Porn is “habituating children into becoming addicts to something that is inherently harmful to them, to their bodies, to their brain.”
Online interactive sexual experiences are extremely violent and desensitize children to real-world pleasures. “Porn desensitizes the brain to the pleasures of the natural world because of the level of stimulation provided by the online pornography…then the normal everyday, daily things around them don't elicit that response, and so they actually become desensitized to things in the real world.”
Pornography also affects adults, but children's brains are more plastic and vulnerable.
The brain’s “prefrontal cortex, which is that part of our brain responsible for our self-control, our impulse control, and emotional regulation, isn't fully developed until the age of 25…children whose brains are not fully developed are being thrust into a very adult online world without the ability to handle it.”
“The great digital paradox is that kids have access to adult content more than ever before in human history and at the same time they’ve never been less prepared to handle it.”
Social media and pornography undermine children's ability to develop self-control and delayed gratification, which are crucial for long-term success and happiness.
“The constant dopamine hits that they're getting is stunting the brain's ability to develop the prefrontal cortex…the reward circuitry of the brain is really overtaking the prefrontal cortex.”
The Role of Smartphones, Social Media, and Big Porn
Children today are carrying smartphones around. They have 24/7 access to this type of content. And we've never had this before in history…now, with social media, children don't need to go looking for pornography. It finds them, and a curious child just lingering over a post on social media can get quickly sucked down a dangerous rabbit hole of very inappropriate sexual content, because the apps’ algorithms go to work and just continue to put more and more of that type of content into children's feeds.”
“The average age of first smartphone has decreased over the years. Right now, it's 10 years old, and so that average age of porn exposure being 12 is only going to decline further..in reality we have given children literally mini computers in their pockets, tethered to them constantly, with access to all sorts of apps and the Internet where they're just stumbling across this horrific content.”
“Kids are very naturally impulsive, like they're not thinking through the long term consequences, and they're naturally curious. And Big Porn is preying on kids' natural curiosity. They're putting this content out all of their social media. There's a symbiosis between pornography sites and adult apps like OnlyFans and social media. These porn performers and porn websites are actually going to social media to recruit new users. And so it's very easy for a kid to stumble across it and click on a link without even thinking.”
Big Porn is a predatory industry. “Companies like Pornhub make money by selling ads and data to advertisers, so they make their content free, but addictive. And in this case, children and childhood innocence are the collateral damage from putting their products all over social media to recruit users. They are catching in their nets young children who are then drawn to this type of website.”
The medium is also the message. The medium of social media, “the way it's designed for likes and followers, is sexualized and sends the message that sex is normal, including for children, including violent, aggressive sex.. “Kids want likes, they want followers, and they're incentivized to post very sexualized photos of themselves” because that is what garners “likes.”
Worst of all, parental controls do not work within social media apps, the platforms do not give third-party controls access, making it difficult for parents to oversee their children's online activities effectively.
The Addictive Nature of Dopamine
Addiction scientists measure how addictive something is by how much dopamine an activity or substance releases. “Drugs like heroin or cocaine are highly addictive because they release a very high, unnatural amount of dopamine. And studies have found that online pornography, interactive pornography, has a very similar effect where it releases a very high, unnatural amount of dopamine, which means that it's inherently addicting, because dopamine creates craving. And so then as soon as they've seen it, they want to click to watch more.”
Dopamine only creates craving, never satisfaction, it is never enough. No time limit for social media is ever enough. “Even if they're on for 15 minutes a day, they're going to be constantly craving more. And the online world will dominate their mental space.”
Dopamine, released by pornography, creates a craving for more, while oxytocin, released through real-life interactions, builds trust and mutual love.
“Both dopamine and oxytocin are related to pleasure, but dopamine really just creates a craving so that you do that activity again, that gave you that experience of pleasure, it actually doesn't create satisfaction in the brain.”
“Whereas oxytocin, which we get from real life interactions. That hormone is released from eye contact, physical touch. It's actually the hormone that bonds us to other humans. It bonds mothers to their babies. It bonds husband and wife. It bonds friends because we're interacting and we're experiencing oxytocin when we're in person together with eye contact and physical touch, and it helps create bonds of trust and mutual love and responsibility that we really need to survive and thrive as a civilization. The online world does not produce oxytocin.”
“Oxytocin isn't released through the screen. It's something that can only happen in the real world. And if we're allowing kids to inhabit the virtual world, and that's where they're growing up, then I worry about what that means for the formation of marriages and families, these building blocks of civilization…”
The Impact of Pornography on Society and Relationships
There are also societal level effects of pornography, including the normalization of violent and degrading content. This is warping children’s expectations for relationships and what is normal in a romantic relationship.
Children who are exposed to pornographic content are likely to imitate it because of their mirror neurons, which is leading to increased rates of child-on-child sexual abuse. Teachers and ER doctors and nurses are seeing this.
The Need for Both Legislation and Parental Action
Passing better laws to protect children from online pornography and social media is necessary.
Age verification laws in states like Texas and Virginia are helping to block children from accessing pornographic websites. If a children were to come across a link accidentally on social media and click on it they would not be able to get through to the site because of age verification. Now 19 states have passed such laws and their number is only growing.
Parents are still on the frontlines though, so parents should create a home and family environment that is largely free of screens and band together with other parents to support each other. They should delay smartphones and social media until adulthood.
Pushing Screens Out of Childhood
“I have a forthcoming book that will come out next summer called The Tech Exit, and I'm arguing and pleading with parents to push these technologies out of childhood entirely, to say that the smartphone and social media, these technologies are too dangerous and too harmful to children…that the levels and the nature of the harms can't be effectively mitigated by screen time limits and parental controls.”
“We don't need to accept that these technologies are part of childhood if we know that they're inherently harmful for kids…I try to explain to parents that this actually is possible. Parents and families have done this, and they are flourishing because of it. And so the book tries to hold out a positive vision of what childhood can look like and what's possible when we leave these technologies behind.”
The Importance of Early Conversations with Children About Pornography
Part of protecting our kids is also preparing them. A friend could show them something inappropriate on a screen so parents should prepare their children for the possibility of encountering pornography and teach them how to respond appropriately.
It is important for parents to have early and ongoing conversations with children about pornography. The organization Protect Young Eyes recommends “10 Before 10.”
Children should be taught to turn away from inappropriate content and to talk to their parents about it.
I recommend the book "Good Pictures, Bad Pictures" (or the Jr. version) to help parents talk to their children about appropriate vs. inappropriate content and how to handle it if they come across pornography.
You can watch the full interview here.
How the Online Pornography Epidemic Is Creating a Generation of Dopamine Addicts